You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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