he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
