thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
only if we run a train.
done.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
