you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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