Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
