Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
