Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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