Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I supernannyed him into submission
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
