I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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