You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
