i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Pants are for mortals
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
