just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
