i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
