ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
