My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
