I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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