im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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