i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
