You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
