He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
