So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
