Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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