I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
