she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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