No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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