so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
