But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
