I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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