You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
