No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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