i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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