Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
