I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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