Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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