Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
