i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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