All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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