I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
