when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
