if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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