The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
