hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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