i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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