No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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