My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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