Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
