omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
