I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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