You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
