arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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