so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just blew my weed a kiss
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
